Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What Would You Do, Tuesday?

Update: I had a talk with my sons (in the car. Thanks, Stef!) and it all worked out okay. It wasn't so much the beer I was worried about, it was more the hiding and dishonesty. It's not like my son to go all ninja-hiding on me. Then again, I know it's all pass and parcel of teenage behaviour. We spoke about the dangers of too much and the consequences of drinking. I said I would prefer for him to have a drink in someone's care (i.e. me or my husband) and he agreed. Thanks for all of the supportive comments. They really helped to put things into perspective.

If you found a six pack of beer under your 16 year old son's bed?

Two missing.


This is when it all gets hard.

I've never experienced anything like this. No major issues with my teenagers and being my first lot of teenagers, I've no idea what to do.

Drinking age here is 18. Maybe I would think differently about this situation if my son was 17, in his 18th birthday year. He's not. He's only 16 years old, and at the start of this year he was only 15.

A million questions are running through my mind:

Where did he get the beer from? Has he actually had the beer? Is he giving them to a friend? Which friend? Why would he do this? Why? Why? Why?

Oh, teenagers...

Little children, headache; big children, heartache.
~ Italian Proverb


  1. That's a hard one. My parents have told me on that during my teenage years they were damned if they did and damned if they didn't. Some things were done to keep me alive and keep them from becoming early grandparents, like when they put me on the BC pill at 15. I asked my mom when I had my first son why did she do that? She said I found out you were sexualy active by snooping in your room, If I would have told you to stop would you have? Probably not, so the best thing for me was to let you know I knew and protect you as best as I could. Catch 22.

    You sound like an amazing mommmy you'll figure out what is best.

  2. we always just talk it all out, openly...sometimes having to excuse those too young, but mostly including the whole family.
    It trues it all up. Everyone knows the rules, everyone sees your heartache, everyone learns together. I've had to admit to the whole flock that I've made a mistake and not mom'd them well...so that has helped them to do the same.
    I have been faced with this decision. We had everyone taste it. ewwww was the overwhelming answer. So that led us to why drink ewww just to be cool.
    There's no right or wrong...just more prayer.

  3. I'm 20, so I clearly remember the day my mum found out that I'd had my first drink at 15. She freaked out. Of course she did. But if it's any consolation, I'm NOT a big drinker now. At all. I think the first drink at an early age is an experimental thing. When teenagers grow out of that stage, it isn't as exciting. But I totally understand your concern!

    If he is anything like me, he probably got the beer from a friend's older sibling and he's probably had one of the beers himself and given the other to a mate.

    I think the best way to approach the situation would be to bring it up in a "non-threatening" way... perhaps somewhere like in the car, if you're ever driving alone with him? Voice your concerns, ask him some questions but don't push him for details.

    I'm no parenting expert (obviously!) but, as someone who has been in your son's situation, it's the best way my mum could've approached it! You sound like such a great mum though, so I'm sure however you choose to bring it up, everything will be fine :) xx

  4. That's a tough one. The drinking age here is 21. I would probably freak out if I found beer in my 17yo's room. But I wouldn't be too concerned if I found alcohol in my nearly 21 yo's room.

    Have you asked him about it yet? I would at least start a dialog with him, find out what you can about where the beer came from and why two are missing.

  5. Um, be grateful only 2 are missing!?!? At 16 they are GOING TO be drinking. No doubt about it. If he's buying a 6 pack and only having 2 (and it's beer, not hard core spirits and such) then I would be so grateful. Why not leave him a note with the remaining 4 saying something like that?

  6. I have a 15 year old also. The advice I would give is that you have a conversation with him. I have all my conversations with my sons (both teens) as Jane suggested, in the car. They can't escape that way. I would say, "While I would prefer if you weren't drinking and I don't support you in drinking, if you are going to be doing it then we need to discuss safety around it. Driving, drinking in excess, etc." Good luck and let us know how it goes.